Tuesday, November 4, 2014

I Beg To Differ, My Friend.

Recently, a somewhat good friend of ours published a note on her Facebook page. Overwhelmed with turning forty, as well as a series of small mishaps that culminated ion her son taking the leap of acquiring his driver's license and being told she was feeling sudden "empty nest" syndrome, she decided to put her emotions to words.

Words that she probably felt were filled with poetic wisdom that would make fellow mothers in their daily plight of overwhelming happenstances.

Thus enters the dangers of generalizing for the masses, but most especially for women.

The long and the short of it, this hopefully well meaning friend made her point of not living for your children who wouldn't need you forever or always. To have your own identity outside of your children,band not be so wrapped up in them that they are your life.

Well, I am here to tell you (in the words and wisdom of Prince) there's something else. As in, I don't think so, my friend.

While I somewhat agree with her sentiment (ok, barely), her process simply doesn't work. At least in my situation. You see, I had a well paying, exciting, and empowering full time position that allowed me the opportunity to spoil myself, while providing a roof and the necessities of life. Including a Coach bag/accessory collection/addiction, shoes of every style and color, MAC/bare minerals/Nars beauty product addictions, comic book/fan girl collections, just to name a few. Oh, and the ability to take a few tribal bellydance classes here and there.

Then, baby boy number one makes his appearance. My heart, much like the Grinch (not that I'm Grinch-like!) grew and grew. Those beautiful brown eyes stared up at me, sometimes glaring, and I just knew this little guy would forever change my life. That wonderful job? I suddenly knew that coming home crying more often than not, being pitted against my other female coworkers like a scene from Mean Girls, and eight to ten hours on my feet in heels was simply not worth it any longer. I couldn't imagine an hour without seeing that face or letting someone else witness all his firsts.

And I knew, more than anything, I needed to set the example for him and be the best that me that I could possibly be. Which meant no more full time, crazy scheduled, results focused job that did nothing to fulfill my life.

I knew this little man would be my life, and the joy he gave me was so much more than that. It was courage to take a leap of faith, and be the me I was truly meant to be.

Then, number two made his appearance (much faster than we had thought!), and now my days are filled with loving these two little boys who are my everything (with their daddy, of course!). Family. Love. Even with the challenges (some days, we live in our jammies), every moment of happiness laced with a small amount of insanity is worth so much more than I ever believed possible. In finding that kind of love, I've discovered how to take care of myself and dare to dream again.

Then there's the whole notion that your children will stop needing you.

I call B.S.

Right now, and almost every moment of every day, especially since the bundles of crazy insane joy have arrived, I need my mom. With an aching in my heart, I think of her. But she's not able to be with us. I know she looks in, and there are times when I just know she is there.

I've never stopped needing her. Ever.

posted from Bloggeroid